In the words of the gorgeous and talented Johnny Depp, "you can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel". Wow, handsome and insightful.
This quote really resonates with me as I pack, sort, give away, throw away, clean and attempt to mentally prepare for leaving my home of the past 2 years. I am stressed out beyond normal capacity worrying about the looming changes. Good thing I don't have much going on now except preparing, enjoying, traveling and spending time with my local friends. I have now gotten a cold/sinus infection, my first in over a year, and it's probably due to self induced stress. This is how my body reacts to such things.... headache, inability to sleep well, and green snot in my head....
Though I am totally excited for what lies ahead, I cannot keep the feelings of loss and sadness at bay.
It was more than two years ago I was on the other side of the world, having similar thoughts and feelings. Coming here to Mongolia, joining the Peace Corps, leaving my home, family, friends, pets.... My comfort zone. Even though I had to put things to bring into two large suitcases, I still have loads of belongings in Ohio... furniture, clothes, kitchen wares, household items, etc. stacked in my friend Kay's basement. Here when I leave, I must reduce the goods to the suitcases.,
In one week I will be on a bus to the city, with my one large suitcase crammed with a few clothes and lots of gifts and memorabilia from Mongolia...(I may be taking one large and one small suitcase.....always worry about having more than I can handle by myself). And carrying a equally stuffed backpack for a vacation to SE Asia, then at last home to America for a few weeks.
Many last times are approaching...the last time I'll ride that bus with the loud annoying music and crying babies... the last time to eat at my favorite restaurant in town, last times with friends.
Now, similar thing, different place. Hard as I might try, I cannot close my heart to feelings of sadness at leaving here and moving on to my next adventure. My heart and my being has been enriched by this experience.